In 2012, I made a life-changing decision that would forever alter the course of my life. After nearly 22 years of marriage to a woman, I finally declared my truth: I am a gay man. This declaration was not made lightly; it came after years of deep deliberation, battling depression, and enduring thoughts of suicide. I knew this decision would be monumental, but I could never have anticipated the profound impact it would have on my life.
Before coming out, I was consumed by fear. I feared losing my family, my friends, my job, and my pride. And while some of those fears did materialize, I stand here today, stronger both mentally and physically than I ever was before.
I have much to share and contribute, but for now, I want to tell you about myself and my past. I have two children: one who is currently 24 and another who, had they lived, would be 29 today. My 24-year-old has not responded to any of my calls, texts, emails, or letters for the past five years. I know a bit about their life, including their occupation and where they live, but short of showing up unannounced and causing an uncomfortable situation, I respect their decision to keep their distance. I understand why they might be upset with me; my coming out undoubtedly affected their childhood, as they were only 12 at the time. However, it pains me that they have also cut off my entire side of the family, including their supportive grandparents who were there for them during difficult times.
One lesson I’ve learned since coming out is to avoid jumping to conclusions and never assume anything without proof (and no, Facebook and TikTok are not reliable sources). But with no contact, I can only speculate about their reasons. As you get to know me better, you’ll learn more about this situation.
From birth until I was 13, I grew up in a metropolitan area. Then, my family moved to a rural area where I completed my schooling before attending The Ohio State University. During my childhood, we attended church regularly, and I was deeply involved in youth activities and choirs. In the 70s and 80s, I rarely encountered peers with divorced parents, and I didn’t meet anyone openly gay. I now realize that many hid their true selves due to fear of backlash from their communities.
After college, I became deeply involved in Christian ministries, planning events and marketing religious musical artists. I worked with organizations that are now considered hate groups due to their intolerance and hatred toward anyone different from themselves. Back then, it was preached that I should marry someone of the opposite sex and that divorce was not an option. I knew I was gay from a very young age, but I believed that religion would be the “cure.” I tried to “pray the gay away” multiple times, but it ultimately led me to my eventual decision.
“Why are you sharing this information with the public right now? Don’t you think it would be better for all people involved that you keep this to yourself?” These questions have plagued my thoughts for years and I believe that we live in a time where people of all genders still do not feel comfortable in sharing their own feelings and are still living their lives and not being their authentic selves. Within the first 6 months of coming out in 2012, I had multiple people contact me about my decision. I remember one in particular that stated, “I’m in the same situation as you. Can we talk?” At the time, I was dealing with a divorce, job discrimination, and trying to build my life again after friends and family deserted me. I’ll always regret not taking the opportunity to discuss my journey to help them. So I guess this is my time to help others that I could have helped previously.
As I begin this journey to tell my story and advocate for others who are struggling, I ask for your comments and feelings on these discussions. Even after 13 years of being out, I still have a lot to learn about others and the situations that arise when coming out in this nation that currently is trying to silence our voices. I only ask that as you comment, think before you respond. Learn from others. Don’t be hard on yourself for past decisions and mistakes you may have made (you can always learn from them). I will not accept posts that are hateful. Opinions are fine, threats of violence are not. “Exposing Dad” is about a gay man exposing his soul and his life in hopes that others may learn more about themselves and others.
Exposing Dad: Life Beyond the Closet 
Like you, I was married to a woman. I was married for over 30 years. I began wondering about whether or not I was gay when I was about 35. I know it sounds crazy that it took me that long to realize it. Maybe it was because I was too afraid to even call myself “gay.” I think I would have stayed married to my wife had she not become addicted to prescription drugs which led to a personality change. She became angry and aggressive. All of our friends would say, “What is wrong with her?” So one day, after she’d been fired from five jobs, and we were about to lose our house, I asked her for a divorce. My youngest child was 18. The next two years were pure hell, but I survived. The relationship with my children isn’t the best, but I did what I had to do to save myself. I have no regrets. Luckily for me, I met someone who would eventually become my husband. I guess I’ve come full circle, but I still do have some scars for all that happened when I came out. Thanks for your post.
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Thank you for sharing Michael. I’m so happy you’ve found your husband and you’re doing well. I am sometimes jealous of those who come out and they are best friends with their exes and children. That definitely wasn’t the case
For me. However the struggle and pain have made me the person I am today. Give my best to your husband!
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I wish that my coming out would have been less painful for all involved, but I survived it. Going through that changed me, I think for the better.
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